22

Warning this post is a little all over the place, its where I am in life right now.

I don’t know about you
But I’m feeling 22
Everything will be alright
If you keep me next to you
You don’t know about me
But I’ll bet you want to
Everything will be alright
If we just keep dancing like we’re
22, ooh-ooh
22, ooh-ooh

This song has been going through my head all week. In all honesty sometimes I am shocked that I’m only in my 20’s. I turn 23 in the next few days. 2 days after that we are going to see an infertility specialist. Yes at 23.

There is another line in the song that goes “We’re happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time”

Over the last few weeks of 22 I have not been very happy. It was our first holiday season with absolutely no family.  I will never ever do it again. With family around, the heartache is a little less. Without family, there is a void. No magic. There is a ton of time to just think. You see all the cute family activities going on…  Sure we are free to get up and go, but I want those adventures with littles. I have been nothing but confused and not necessarily lonely, but separate from most others reality. Everyone our age is in this stage of life, starting families. And it just seems so easy for them.

At 4 and a half years of marriage, 4 years of actively trying to conceive, and only being in my 20’s, I feel like I should be able to relate to that song more. But really, the song has never resinated with me. I’ve never felt 22.

Maybe I’ll actually feel 23, or make a point to feel it.

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